What's the worst than could happen?
by Black Shadow Stalker
Summary: It's quiet at the SGC...too quiet. Someone then does the unthinkable. He asks, What's the worst than could happen? They're about to find out. Rating for language.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Oh, come ON! You must all know this part word perfect by now. I don't own Stargate, if I did I'd hire writers and tell them what I wanted to happen coz they write sssooo much better than me. Don't sue me coz you'll just get a jumbo-jet sized legal bill. (Flutters eyelashes… _damn_, doesn't work… pulls out 18" machete and grins maniacally).

A/N: Set in season six (I think that fits.)

Chapter One: The Quiet before the storm.

It was a quiet day. The birds were singing, and the breeze rustled through the trees. (Yes it's a corny, cliché, but stick with it GET YOUR FUCKING EYES BACK HERE!I SAID STICK WITH IT! Glares while reatching for 18" machette.)

The sun shone brightly down onto the grass and tarmac, warming the dawns dew. In short, it was the Mary-Sue of summers days. Not that that mattered to General George Hammond, as he was many hundreds of feet underground, inside a mountain, in Stargate command, a place so classified that it didn't exist. And what was Gen. Hammond doing in this exceptionally classified place? Worrying. Now what exactly was worrying General Hammond, no-one knew, for there had been no attacks, be it by NID, Goa'uld, replicators or otherwise. The President understood how important the Stargate program was and had increased its budget as opposed to cutting it, as a majority of the budget committee had been expected to vote for. There had been no strange new alien devises causing unfortunate, or unexpected reactions, nor had Dr Jackson fallen in love with an alien (or anyone else). In short the base was running like it had been planned by Miss Mary-Sue herself.

This is what was confusing the SGC staff. What was Gen. Hammond so worried about? It was so quiet, what could go wrong?

Those who had worked at the SGC for more than seven days (that is, everyone except the new commissary cook. His predecessor had forgotten to order blue Jell-O and when he offered Major Carter red Jell-O instead, her patented 'Teal'c style' death-glare™ scarred him so much he dropped said **_red_** Jell-O. He then turned, ran and slipped on the gelatinous desert and broke his leg. He was still in traction under the care of Dr Fraiser.) So everyone but him knew that the question 'what could go wrong?' should never be thought, let alone said. The last person to have actually asked it- when SG-1 had dialled home on-time (what happened next is to gruesome and embarrassing -for some to mention here) had been promptly re-assigned to Antarctica once the indecent was over, and was still there.

Woot! I re-started this! And I like it even better than my first draft. Longer too.


	2. The Fun Begins

Disclaimer: See first chapter. (Sharpens machete while humming 'It's A Beautiful World'.)_ I can see you. Yes. You. No, don't look over your shoulder. You feel that shiver down your spine. That's me. Watching you. Waiting. Do you see me? _

_Didn't think so… too late. _

A/N: Thanks to anonymous reviewer Lauren for pointing out that Season Six did not fit my story, and to all my other reviewers. If you leave a question in your review, I'll generally reply in my next chapter (if not I'll e-mail you). _Or visit you. Look behiiiind you!_

Chapter Two: The Fun Begins.

Everyone was still on edge after the new-guy's (Petty Officer Reginald O'Hara's) mistake in mentioning, 'What's the worst that could happen?'. After all, the Irony Gods were always smiling down on the SGC. Gen. Hammond had yet to decide which of the Gods he disliked more, the Goa'uld or the Irony Gods, creators of both Sod's and Murphy's law. (The Irony Gods aren't as hot as Hathor though. Damn! I must not be jealous of Hathor even though she is _really_** HOT**, and totally drool-worthy. Doh! Cold shower, Homer Simpson in a thong bikini! _Shivers_ Uh! Back on track!)

"Unscheduled Off-world activation!", suddenly blared through the SGC, just as Col. Jack O'Neill was raising his soon-to-be first bite of pie to his mouth.

SG-1 rushed through the SGC to get to the Gate Room. They arrive just in time to hear 'Tok'ra's GOD signal received.' Upon which time Col. O'Neill shrieked as if he was locked in a very small room, containing only a king-sized bed and Anise. He then turned to run twisting his knee in the process. (The one every Jaffa, First Prime, System Lord or other captor or torturer always targeted. _Yes. It is a conspiracy, just don't tell O'Neill_.) Of course, Jack let rip with another yelp worthy of any blonde-bimbo-Barbie-bitch, whilst lying on the control-room floor. Must inflict pain on Jack. Even Hammond and Carter, with all their military training couldn't contain their laughter.

'Most amusing, Colonel O'Neill'. 'Gee, thanks Teal'c! This can't get any worse can it.'

Jack instantly regretted that comment as simultaneously Hammond and Carter said: 'Somebody page Dr Frazer.' and 'Don't forget that's on the security camera's. Simmons will be selling copies. It'll be around the base by tomorrow.' 'Well NOW it can't get any worse.'

'General Hammond, should we not go to the Gate-Room to greet General Carter and Anise of the Tok'ra.'

'OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Later that day, the base psychiatrist, Dr Mackenzie was inundated by SF's who claimed to have heard a disembodied 'Oh for crying out loud!', echoing through the corridors.


	3. The Fun Continues

That shiver down your spine is me. The breath on the back of your neck, me. RUN!

Chapter Three: You Know It's Gonna Get Worse

Jack O'Neill was FUMING. He was stuck in bed, in the infirmary after re-injuring his knee. The batteries in his GameBoy had run out and General Hammond had ordered an SF to deliver ALL his overdue paperwork to him. Gen. Hammond had also personally issued the order that he was not allowed to leave the infirmary until he had completed it ALL. It didn't help that Siler, on his feet for the first time after three months in traction (he'd fallen over 30 feet after the ladder he was on had been disintegrated by an incoming wormhole SG1 had been coming in hot), had fallen over said paperwork, knocked himself out, severely concussed himself and broken his nose and right wrist.

For some reason Jack's comment of "I don't know how he didn't see it!" had NOT gone down well with Dr. Fraser. He also had a headache from the after effects of the sedative Janet had been forced to give him after General Hammond had insisted that he still deal with Anise. Suffice to say, by the time the Tok'Ra representatives had arrived the sedative had taken effect and Jack was not making much sense. ("Here snaky, snaky!") What exactly happened is too ugly to mention, so we shall ignore it. Once the General watched the security camera's recordings of the events, however, he also needed a sedative (well Dr. Fraser decided that it was a sedative or a heart attack).

Then things got weird.


End file.
